Oh Valentines Day

You know, I really have never really liked this day at all.  Even when I had a Boyfriend it never felt right.  I remember one time my Ex bringing home a dozen roses for me, and be being pissed at him for it.  I was mad because we had no money and here he was spending unnecessary money on something that could have fed us for a few days when a single $3.99 rose would have meant the same thing to me or a $1.99 card, or just a back rub, cuddle, and loving sex.  I really shouldn't have been so hard on him looking back on it.  He tried so hard sometimes to make me happy and it was I who was the one who was setting our relationship up for sabotage. What he never learned was what I really wanted from him which has his love.  Him holding onto me for no reason at all.  Him pulling me to him on the couch and just gazing into my eyes and telling me what I actually meant to him.  No matter how I tried to explain it to him, he couldn't understand that while material things are nice, I didn't need them.  I needed him more.

Today was my second time as an adult being single on Valentines day and yet today had to be one of the best Valentines days I ever had.  Why?  Because it was simple.

I didn't expect Guy to do anything for me today since I'm not his girlfriend and doubt I'll even get that title in his life.  Instead he came by before I went to work which was wonderful.  1 1/2 hours of just cuddling, chit-chatting, and some kissing.  Perfect for me, just what I wanted... what I needed.  By the time I had to be at work, I felt like I was the happiest women in the world, I wasn't but it just felt great.  Here's a guy who while has his MAJOR faults (which I need to always keep in mind), took time before he started his day to come over and hold me.  That thrilled me.  I went to work with a huge smile on my face.

Guy surprised the hell out of me while I was at work.  I honestly think he forgot it was Valentines Day.  Out of no where, a bag of chocolates and a card appeared on my desk.  He quickly dropped it off with a smile on his face since I was helping a customer and I know I blushed like crazy.  That single move was the sweetest thing I could have ever wanted.  I'm a private person who doesn't like standing out so flowers would have been too much since everyone would have to see them and would have drawn attention to me.  Those candies and card were just enough for me to know that he cared.  That he took time out of his day to stop and grab those for me and not make me uncomfortable for the day.  Yeah, I know he didn't think that out at all, but it was perfect.

So today was pretty darn good of a day.  I"m going to bed with a smile on my face and good thoughts on my mind.

They Say We Women Are Hard To Understand

I know we really are hard to understand but I think guys are just as difficult at times.  I know a lot of it has to to with the differences between men and women but dang they are hard to understand.

Tonight Guy decided to stop over, really for no reason.  I think it's come down to him finding any excuse to stop over which honestly I don't mind.  I could tell right away he was in a bad mood, not toward me but in general.  Took him a while to relax but once he did it was a nice afternoon of chitchatting.  Our small talk has really come a long ways from where neither of us could really open up and everything was awkward. He was only suppose to me over for a little bit while he was waiting to go hang out with some friends of his.  Well as soon as he got a phone call saying his friends were running behind, one thing lead to another and well we ended in the bedroom again.  He never expected it which made it even better then normal.  This was all my decision and it was a great one.  As he left he gave me just the deepest hug and kiss, it was mind blowing.  For a guy who said he didn't want to be attached and so forth, things have really started to grow.

Tonight we were texting as always and something he said blew me away:
Me: I'm glad things have ended up the way they have
Him: Me too and I have high hopes for the future, which is rare for me

I'm trying not to think too much into that but wow.  I'm excited to see that he wants a future with me, what type of future who knows but he see's something with me in it.  I know what I feel for him isn't something that is to be ignored.  I know it's something that could grow into more, a lot more.  I'm still holding back no worries, I'm not ready to let that wall down.  It's starting to waver though and I feel it.  Just gotta hold off until he makes it clear to me on his home life.  The only thing that is holding everything back is his ex/girlfriend/whatever.  I know it took me forever to remove my Ex out of my life, but I don't think I can hold out for another year while he gets his act together.  Damn why can't things be easy?  Why can't I find a guy that isn't attached? -sighs-