I blew up tonight. I really shouldn't have, but I couldn't take it. I mean I'm TIRED of feeling used. This week I spent $120 on food, getting him more then myself. Cookies which I'll never eat, food that contains shrimp that I have, beer to make him happy, and then I spent $15 on Cigs because I know that he can't afford them this week. Today he forgot his pop at home, so what does he do? Calls me and begs me to bring him a soda and dinner. Fuck that!
I lost it tonight. I was looking for a new Car online and realized I don't think I can afford one, even though I NEED one. I don't know how much more I can take of all of this. I'm losing my mind. Is it so much to ask to be equal? I can't afford this. I'm living outside of my means. Hell, he NEVER got me a Christmas gift, I brought my Christmas gift from him, he NEVER paid me back.
I know everyone says "your a nice girl, you can do better" but I'm convinced that there aren't good guys out there that I could be with. Not that I mind being alone, at least I won't have to bother asking them if I can go out on a weekend or why I'm spending $60 on dog training classes. Even why I'm buying something for the dog...
I'm tired of all of this bullshit. Why can't my life just go right for once???
