It's been a bit since I last posted. If you don't see a post for a while, it's a good thing. It means that I've been handling my depression and life well and haven't needed to vent. Thank you to the person who committed. It's good to know there are others out there reading things. I never thought someone would read this blog, in fact I have never even told anyone about this blog, so to have someone read this and post is amazing to me. Thanks!
I've tried really hard to kick people from my life that have been causing drama and other such hardships in my life. I recently started playing an MMORPG again (not WOW for those of you who know what that is) and I've met up with some cool people though it. Tonight though, there was/is a couple talking about how wonderful their marriage is and how they keep things spicy in their sex life and other such things. I really want to cry. They are talking about how they have sex once a day even with kids, how he goes out of his way to surprise her with random acts of kindness and help, and other things I dream of. Here I am in a relationship where Sex, well whats that? That 3 mins ever 2 to 4 months where my boyfriends kisses me and then crawls out of bed and goes back to ignoring me?
My boyfriend brought me something for Easter... a flipping $40 flower... Yeah FORTY DOLLARS for a freaking flower! This comming from the man who doesn't pay for any bills, doesn't do jack for me in any way shape or form, spends flipping FORTY DOLLARS ON A FLOWER! Good lord! Thats a week of food or the water bill! I would love to tell him to take it back (I kind of did, but he took it as a joke) but I know it would upset him. WHY must I be such a kind person? Why must I not want to hurt people??? I spend so much time trying to please others then pleasing myself that I get depressed like I am today.
I did start dog classes again which has been a relief for me. Just an hour a week to get away and do something for me that I like to do. I miss my weekends off and being at dog shows. I miss it dearly. I can't wait to get back to it. Maybe when I get a puppy I'll be able to get back to my normal life. Maybe when I find a full time job where I don't have to work 2 jobs and have no days off...
I rally hate my life. Why can't I just get a flipping break and have a door open. I really wonder some days what I did in a past life to be put through what I'm going through. I treat others the way I want to be treated and all I get is hell...
As the song goes "But tomorrow's another day and I'm thirsty anyways. So bring on the rain..."
