Well Guy threw me a HUGE curve ball tonight. It's no secret my feelings toward him, and hope much I just wanted him in my life to feel the same way as I did towards him. Some actual clue as to where things were going and so forth. Now I'm so conflicted.
So heres how the day went. Cowboy spent the night here last night. We started doing some drinking, just a beer, but it put me into an instant depression. I cuddled up to him for the night and it was just a great night. Woke up this morning to find him already dressed to head out, at 9am. Really pissed me off. So I spent the morning just being depressed and mopy.
Well I guess Guy was in the same mood. I could tell instantly he was in a mood, I speak fluent Guy lingo anymore. I told him I was really depressed but I'd get over it. (I was just wanting to check on him since I blew him off the night before for Cowboy). Then comes the words:
"You need to do what's right for you and makes you happy. Don't worry about me I'll live. I'm crazy in love with you and always will be here if you change your mind"
Me: I'm a bit confused
Him: I'm the reason you're depressed. I know I'm not enough for you. You should be happy. I take that away from you.
Hes... in... love... with... me... WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!?! I just don't get it. Why now, after all of these months... wait a YEAR, why NOW???? Why tell me now? I'm so torn. Cowboy is awesome, and I know will go out of his way to make me happy. Guy tries so hard but is so conflicted with himself. Cowboy is 2 years older then I am while Guy in 12. I dunno. I'm so confused because honestly I've loved Guy for a long time now but he said he didn't want a girlfriend or a relationship with me so I never said how I felt. Figured I would just go along until I found someone else or he finally smartened up and did something. Now I've found someone else ANY Guy smartened up.
Guess I'll just keep dating both (Guy does know about Cowboy) and see what happens. I feel just like a horrible person for doing that though. But I can't give up on Cowboy when Guy is so flip floppy. WHY WHY WHY CAN'T LIFE BE SIMPLE?!?!?!
