Today I am second guessing myself. See I've NEVER been good at being alone. I remember growing up and watching all my friends starting to date and being very jealous of them. I've never been good at it. Guys that I've liked have all felt I was too good for them, that I was out of their league. I'm not though. I'm not a perfect woman, I'm actually far from it. All I want is someone that will go hiking with me, pick me up off the ground randomly, maybe push me up against a tree and kiss me like I'm the only woman for them. To walk up behind me as I sit somewhere and give me a hug. To hold me on nights like tonight where I'm in tears and tell me everything's ok.
Instead I find guys who never want a real relationship. Who never call, who never seek me out. I always feel like a burden, even when I'm told I'm not. I give up. Even the one guy who gives me the time of day will never go beyond the friends with benefits. He's not ready for anything like that and to be honest as much as I enjoy being around him and crave him, I know it would never work.
The only thing I'll ever be good for in a mans eye is sex. Hell I'm lucky I can ever be friends or make a friend with either gender. Tonight I second guess my decision to break things off with my Ex even though I know that I'm far happier having a friends with benefits then I was ever with him. Being alone just sucks. As much as I love my dogs, they just don't fill that void.
