Depression is like this brick that is never off your chest. Sometimes you find a way to release the pressure but it always comes back as a black hole that seems to grow bigger every time it hits.
Tonight it's hitting me hard again. I'll make it just fine, but it's still hard to get through the day at times. Guy and I have been together for just shy of a year now and it's been quite nice. He sleeps over a few times a week, and it's just a nice feeling walking around among our group of co-workers holding hands after so long of hiding things. He still has his issues, like being girl crazy, but he really goes out of his way to spoil me. Sometimes its really hard for me to let my guard down and to let him spoil me, but I'm learning to let him do what he wants since it makes him happy and makes me happy.
It's just so sad that even though I'm so happy, depression overwhelms my happiness. I'm still scared of getting hurt, it runs through my head all the time actually. I won't allow my fear to stop this though. As long as he's happy with me then that's all that matters. Hopefully I don't screw this up because I don't want to ever let him go. It's been years now and my feelings towards him have only grown more. I've decided when it's time and he makes the same decision I have, well lets just say i'm going to make him very happy. Hopefully he'll come to the same conclusion that I have and never let me go.
